Local Teen has "Worst Weekend of his Life"

Here's a little something I wrote in the style of the Onion. Hopefully parents of teens will smile a little.

Local preteen, Matt Lindstrom had what he described to his friends as “the worst weekend of my life” when he was forced to accompany his parents, Nancy and Peter on a weekend away in sunny Eastern Washington.

Speaking from their comfortable home in Seattle, Matt 13, confirmed that he had been coerced to spend time with his parents with promises of “eating pizza and swimming in the river” and of “fun times”. He confirmed that whilst he did, indeed, eat some delicious pepperoni pizza and drink more sodas than his parents normally allowed, the promised “fun times” never materialized. And the water in the river was very cold. He would much rather have been lying in bed texting his friends about what a boring day he was having. On the way home he even had to stop for what his parents described as “possibly the best BBQ pork ever”, which wasted yet another hour of his life.

At the time of writing, Matt’s parents were thought to have no idea of the suffering their youngest was forced to go through, telling their friends that they had all had “a great time”.

Rumors of a proposed family visit to the local museum have prompted Matt to complain loudly that he “never gets to do anything I want” and Skype all the other local teens who have formed a support group to help each other through these difficult times.